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How do I get my ex back?

If you are reading this now, you are probably heartbroken and butt hurt. Breakups hurt. Breakups are fucking bitches. I don’t think there’s ever any good breakup story. Not even the peaceful ones.


You think about them when you wake up. You think about them at work/school. You think about them when you hear your song on the street. You can’t fall asleep and you turn and turn in bed until you eventually fall asleep just to dream about them again. You can no longer carry on your life like before.


You are frustrated. You go insane. You then punch the wall or think of ways to hurt yourself. You bury your face in the pillow and scream out loud at the top of your lungs. You curse at yourself for being such a weak ass loser, at them for leaving you and at the relationship for the ecstasy and agony. All you want is for them to text you, to call you, to come back so your life can go back to before.


How can I stop this seemingly eternal roller coaster of grief? I feel you. I have had three serious relationships and a number of flings, and no breakup was ever easy. Out of them, two breakups were as nasty as can be. Each time I flew across the ocean to try to piece back my broken and shattered heart. I gave up on everything to fly to where they were, a foreign country where I knew nobody, nor the language. Only to have pieces of my heart stomped on even harder.


I gave them my all. Including my dignity.


You wanna know how to win him/her back? Easy. Stop thinking about it and start focusing on yourself. Don’t lower your own value for someone that doesn’t deserve you.


I know what you want to hear. 30 day ex back. 90 day no contact. I know you want to hear success stories from me. But no, I am here to bring you the cold hard facts. Don’t buy those ex back products online. Don’t text your ex. And especially, don’t show up at your ex’s work/apartment.


Trust me. I tried all these strategies. I browsed through all the ex back videos and articles online. All these “relationship gurus”… I even paid for an ex back program once. I consulted friends and family. I recorded them apology videos. But fuck no. Stop. I am no ex back expert. I don’t want to make money from you. I am just an average person wanting to help. The only thing is you need to get back now is yourself.


The only one strategy that works is no contact forever. Block them. Remove their friends from your social media. Build new passions. Go travel. Work out as hard as you can. Grow yourself. Level the fuck up.


And when you finally get yourself back and become a better you, you will find peace and love. Maybe they will come back. Maybe you will find someone new. Maybe you will realize you don’t even need them anymore.


Remember, they are just a drug as potent as cocaine. They are bad for you and your physical well being.


You don’t want them back. You want the happy times back. You want your life back. And getting the happiness back depends 100% on you and 0% on them. Recovery is hard, but it only gets easier by the day.


And when you are ready, go out and date again. Have some fun. They say the best way to get over someone is get under someone. Haha.


One day you will look back and laugh about everything. I guarantee you. Perhaps you will remember reading this. And then, please don’t thank me, but try making new friends/dates on StepUp. We are here to help people find meaningful relationships. Until then, we wish you good luck on your recovery!

Kenneth Chen

Kenneth Chen

StepUp's co-founder and heavy dating app addict. Lived in the United States, Japan, Korea, France and Taiwan. Worked as a data analyst at a fintech startup in California, while co-owning a french crepe café. Eventually quit his job and sold the creperie to make StepUp with the hopes to make online dating more personal and efficient.

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